Love and Splendor – Official Blog

Happy Friday!!  Today’s installment of {the nuptial primer} is all about one thing: the budget.  Now before you cover your ears and run off in another direction, hear me out.  ;-)  Everyone has to face the facts about their wedding budget, and the sooner you do it, the better.  One of the biggest stressors in wedding planning (or life in general!) is money.  Signing thousand dollar checks during the first few weeks of booking can be overwhelming.  You could toss and turn in bed every night, wondering if you’re getting a great deal or the wool pulled over your eyes.  You might even be tempted to put a red pen to your guest list and consider if you really need to invite those last-minute additions…  Before you endure any unnecessary budget woes, I hope to preemptively alleviate some of them here with this post.  If you’ve already begun planning your wedding, my goal for this post is to inform your remaining purchasing decisions.  You should feel confident and satisfied with how you allocate each hard-earned dollar you spend on your wedding.

 jose villa photo

To start, here are my 5 ‘golden rules’ of wedding budgeting.  I will expand on each below.  Remember, I am not your financial advisor.  My advice comes from the knowledge I’ve gained in helping 120+ couples plan their weddings, and assisting them in staying within a budget.  Your mileage is gonna vary depending on your determination to stay within a budget.  ;-)

1) Don’t go into debt for your wedding.

2) Establish a budget ceiling early on in the process.

3) Prioritize and conquer.

4) Be realistic.

5) Ultimately, only YOU can determine if you stay within budget.

First, don’t go into debt for your wedding.  I’ll keep this short and sweet. I don’t think it is worth it to go into debt over your wedding day celebration. It’s like your kicking off your new life together with a gloomy stormcloud looming overhead.  You don’t want to worry about how long you’ll need to subsist off ramen before your bills are paid off.  ;-)  Chat with your sweetie and make a pact that you will spend within your means on your wedding.  Trust me — you are saving yourself from a lot of headache in the end.

Secondly, establish a budget ceiling early on.  If you read my last installment of {the nuptial primer} on what to do once you’re engaged, you know that this is important.  Discuss who is going to contribute to the wedding budget.  It could be just you and your fiancé, your parents, your fiancé’s parents… etc.  Have a serious convo with each party involved and get an *accurate* and *specific* amount that they plan to contribute.  Sometimes well-meaning parents will say things like, “We’ll just try to get the best deals we can along the way.  Don’t worry about the costs.. We’ll figure it out.”  As sweet and wonderful as that sounds, they are not going to be happy when they quickly learn that your understanding of “a deal” is worlds apart from theirs.  Most people do not have an idea of what things in the wedding world cost.  I have heard people balk at the price of everything from photography to food and beverage minimums to flowers.  I know that I am jaded to an extent, having been desensitized over years of exposure.  ;-)  That said, this is why it is ESSENTIAL that you get a specific number from each contributor.  You want to know from the get-go how much you really have at your disposal in order to make those initial booking decisions.

Third, prioritize and conquer.  I always tell my clients that they need to create a list of their “must haves” and “could do withouts.”  Everyone has their priorities when it comes to their wedding. What is worth the splurge, and what is a definite ‘save’?  You and your fiancé should chat over this before any vendors are booked, and then book your vendors in that order.  Why?  Because if you know you MUST have that photographer, even if it means 25 guests in your backyard, you should know that up front.  If wearing that dress has been your childhood dream, then snap it up early on.  I have only ever heard brides lament *not* going with their “must have” vendors… No one has EVER told me, “Gee, I wish I had saved the money and used a cheaper photographer”… but I hear “Man, I wish I splurged on [insert dream photog here]…” ALL.THE.TIME.  If you aren’t into your dress, or linens, or whatever, then save those for later and you can book them with the money that is “left over,” per se.  Here is where I interrupt myself to highly, highly recommend that you work with a wedding coordinator/planner at this stage.  While I believe prioritizing is vital to happy budget spending, I also see many uninformed but well-intentioned brides spend 60% of their budgets before they realize that they still need a venue, food, and beverages… Oops!  This is where the next point comes in:

Fourth, be realistic.  I cannot stress this enough.  In order to work out a meaningful and useful budget, you need to know what things cost.  As aforementioned, I think the best way to get “in the know” is to work with an excellent wedding planner who can guide you from the beginning.  I cringe when I flip through a wedding magazine that tells a bride that she should spend no more than x% on this or that vendor.  What if your wedding budget is $30k, for example… and the magazine says dedicate 8-10% of your budget to photography?  Well, that amount won’t take you far in the saturated pool of talented photographers here in southern California, especially if this is a priority item for you (which it SHOULD be — more on that in another installment!).  That said, if you are having 20 guests, you have nothing to fear… You have plenty of room to hire a photographer for double that (or more) and still get the necessities.  If you wanted 200 guests, however, you may need to re-think the priorities.  Where you are getting married will play a huge role in how your budget is appropriated.  Obviously, urban markets like LA and NY have much higher prices in general.  An experienced planner can give you input as to what the “going rate” is for an awesome photographer, florist, DJ, cinematographer, etc. etc. etc.  Before you snub your nose at your proposals, make sure you are being realistic about the market you’re in.

And equally as important: be realistic about your expectations.  If you are reading wedding blogs daily, tearing sheets out of magazines, and pinning inspiration galore to your Pinterest account, keep in mind that many of these weddings may be out of the reach of your budget.  I get inquiries on occasion where a bride will say, “Can I get your source on those [insert décor item here]??”  or “How can I DIY the [custom stationery] you had for this wedding??”  I have to carefully and kindly reply that, well, that bride spent well over six figures to hire the best-of-the-best to create, build, make, and design those things for her.  Unfortunately, some things cannot be duplicated on a dime.  Disclaimer: I have done weddings for 22 to 600+ guests, and I have worked with budgets of $18k to $500k…  There is no price threshold for a beautiful wedding.  The key here is to remember that some things, however, do come at a cost.  If you’re obsessed with the work of a certain photographer that charges $10k and up, it’s important to remember that while that may be far out of your budget’s reach, they have clients who pay that much for their work, and it is well-deserved.  You can’t expect to find a $1k photographer who creates that level of work.  You can’t pull tear sheets from MSW to show your florist and demand that they recreate the look for a fraction of the cost.  Be realistic, adjust the budget based on your priorities, and plan the most personalized wedding possible.  <3

Finally, only YOU can make sure you stay within budget.   I feel like Smokey Bear typing that.  ;-)  It’s true, though — the way your budget pans out is up to you and only you.  Sometimes my clients will ask me, “Can you help me plan a wedding for 100 people for under $X?”  My answer is usually, “Yes, most definitely… but it’s up to you to stay within the bounds of what that budget will look like!”  I can create a custom budget based on a client’s priorities and available funds, but when they see *that dress* or *that photographer* or *that venue,* sometimes things get thrown out the window.  In some cases, the couple decides that it is worth going over the initial budget to secure this newfound vendor.  ;-)  Other times, they will have to pretend they never saw it and move on.  (But as I mentioned… that is easier said than done.  Limit your wedding blog/mag intake if you are easily sidetracked or swayed by what you see.  You don’t need to be a wedding masochist and pore over images that torture you!!  LOL)  When some clients say their budget is $50k, they mean $45k and they will whittle away at everything to make sure they don’t go a penny over.  Other clients really mean $75k, and they start to loosen the reins as they find what they want costs more than they expected. Be honest with yourself, discuss every expenditure with your sweetie, and sign contracts confidently.  At the end of the day, you need to feel GREAT about who you book for your wedding.

Whew!!  That was a ton of info, but I hope it proved helpful to some of you out there.  ;-)  Based on the stats I saw, I think these educational posts in {the nuptial primer} are quite popular so far.  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments, and also learn what you want to read about next!  Thanks, as always, for stopping by.  

xoxo, Angel (who is 5 days away from her EDD!)

Happy Friday, dear readers!!

For our inaugural post in {the nuptial primer}, I thought I’d start from the beginning: the engagement.  Your sweetheart has proposed and you are elated; the engagement period is one of such bliss and joyful anticipation.  Once you are engaged, however, I know the instant pressure from loved ones can bring on some serious stress.  You are bombarded with questions about when and where you will have the wedding, who’s invited, who’s not, what you’re wearing, what colors your bridesmaids will wear… and on and on.  I know how overwhelming the initial months of engagement can be.  Although the length of your engagement will vary, here is my advice on how to get down to wedding planning once YOU and your sweetheart are ready.

photo by our dear friend, hugh forte.  bouquet by the always amazing hollyflora.  consider this a sneaky peek of a stunning 2011 wedding you haven’t seen yet…

1. First and foremost, take some time to just enjoy the engagement.  Whether it’s a couple weeks or a couple months, don’t feel like you need to start planning immediately.  Of course, if you want to stop by Barnes and Noble and buy every wedding magazine on the stands on the way home from your engagement, go for it!  :)  Just don’t think that you have to hit the ground running once the ring is on your finger.

2. Determine a budget.**  I actually think this should come before you decide where the wedding will be or even who will be invited.  Why?  Because your budget is going to give you a reality check on what is really possible.  As with anything in life, it is important to have information before setting up your expectations.  I know better than to drive over to the Mercedes dealership to ogle at G-wagons when I have no means of buying one.  Likewise, before you write a list of 500 of your closest friends and pick the perfect private island for your fête, it is wise to first determine what you want to spend on the wedding.  If you and your sweetie are hosting, plan a chat to discuss an ultimate “ceiling” figure.  I tell clients (especially those who say they don’t have a budget, per se, and will just spend as they go on what “feels right”) that you NEED to determine an ultimate spending ceiling.  Without one, you are going to end up spending a lot more than you would have… If others (like parents) are chipping in to fund the celebration, you may want to politely ask if they can estimate the amount of their contribution.  It would be somewhat heartbreaking to receive an extra $10,000 after you’ve booked some vendors, for example, if you had *just* passed on many of your favorites due to an inaccurate budget estimate.

3. Start writing an initial guest list.  Now that you know how much you have available to spend, you can draft a guest list with your sweetie.  I always suggest starting over-inclusive and then eliminating from there.  Make sure to also check in with your parents to see if there are certain friends and colleagues that they’d like to invite (who you may not think of right off hand).

4. Begin the venue search!  There are many ways to research wedding venues far and wide.  Of course I love the site Here Comes the Guide, which is an excellent search engine for various types of locations.  You may also peruse wedding blogs and magazines, chat with recently married friends, or my personal favorite — contact a wedding planner and get signed up.  ;-)  I LOVE helping clients find their ideal venue.  A planner’s experience at many different sites will be helpful as you weigh pros and cons of each.  My clients will usually ask me about things like associated costs, hidden fees (if any), logistical concerns, etc.  Keep in mind that the venue you select may affect the ability of some guests to attend.  If you have your heart set on a destination wedding, for example, consider who (if anyone) on your guest list may not be able to make the trip (due to travel costs or mobility concerns, etc.).  If there is a VIP guest you need to consider, put that on the top of your venue search list before you fall in love with that out-of-state site.

5. Determine the date + venue + estimated guest count.  This all goes together.  :)  Once you have honed in on your favorite venue (or even venues), re-evaluate your initial guest list and determine if there is one site that is better suited for your approximate guest count.  Always OVER-estimate how many invited guests will attend.  As I tell my clients… once you invite someone, you can’t uninvite them.  If your site has a max. capacity of 100 guests, I would NOT advise inviting 150 and hoping that 50 will decline.  What if 110 (or even 102) RSVP?  You will have a very sticky situation on your hands.  Likewise, if you know your overall budget is approximately $500 per guest, you may need to pare down your guest list in order to be able to sign with the venue of your dreams.  Only you and your sweetie can make the call on what the priority will be (i.e. location, guest count, budget).  Once you rank those priorities, adjust the other categories accordingly and get your wedding on the calendar.  :)

**An IMPORTANT BUDGET NOTE: When booking the venue, you may be lost on how much to allocate for the site rental fee.  Some venues (e.g. hotels) may provide the site along with catering, some amount of rentals and staffing.  Other sites (e.g. private estates) charge you flat fees that include nothing but the use of the property.  Before you sign away half of your budget to the magical Napa vineyard you discovered (and find yourself left with barely enough to cover the remaining “necessities,” let the alone gorgeous details you imagine…), it is a good idea to create as complete a budget as possible.  I will write about this in a future post.  For now, let me simply say that many “budget estimate tools” found online or in books are not all that helpful or realistic based on today’s wedding market.  :)

And then… you’re off!!  Once the venue and date are locked in, you are ready to dive head-first into the wedding planning process.  I look forward to sharing lots more about that along the way in future installments of {the nuptial primer}.

Until then, I’d LOVE to know if you have any wedding planning questions for us to answer here.  :)  We will do our best to address them here on the blog for the information of all of our readers.

Thank you for stopping by — we hope your weekend is positively lovely!  What will the Love & Splendor ladies be doing?  Consultations with potential clients, some creative projects, and for *this* pregnant lady… practicing my patience as I await the arrival of little Miss Olive!  I will try to squeeze in a final pregnancy update on the blog sometime soon, but for now I’m focused on squeezing into what’s left of my stretchy wardrobe. LOL

xoxo, Angel

Hello dear readers!  I’m excited to announce the inauguration of a new blog feature here!  I’m calling it {the nuptial primer}, and it will be a category of posts dedicated to practical wedding planning information, insights and tips.  The goal is to address various FAQs and major planning topics encountered by brides, as well as feature the expertise and pertinent input of some of my favorite wedding vendors along the way!

My first entry in the nuptial primer will debut soon, so keep your eyes peeled for it!  In the meanwhile, I’d love to solicit your initial thoughts and questions for future posts in the primer! Let me know if you have a topic or inquiry I can address down the line.  What do YOU want to know about wedding planning?   Or, as a former bride (or even a wedding vendor), what do you think needs to be addressed?  I am hoping to make this feature as educational and profitable as possible, so I look forward to your suggestions.

I hope you’re all having a fabulous week!

P.S. Today I am 35 weeks pregnant, 36 days away from my estimated due date.  :)

xoxo, Angel